French fries may be the ultimate comfort food. There is something absolutely wonderful about the salty, crunchy treat that just makes you happy. Try being in a bad mood when eating fresh, good, french fries. Go ahead – it is next to impossible.

But … yes, I know fried foods are bad for you. Fried foods are full of empty calories and all kinds of still we should not ingest. I don’t care. There is a place for french fries in every life and if there isn’t, there should be.

And they are stupidly simple to make at home. You don’t need a deep fryer (although I can see where that would come in handy) or fancy equipment – you just need patience and a desire for really good french fries.

French Fries

• 1 medium baking potato
• 1 medium sweet potato
• peanut oil (or other high temperature oil) for frying
• salt

Wash potatoes and dry. Have a bowl of water handy for submerging the potato after slicing them. Depending on the size of the potato, cut into either half or thirds. (you are going to want thin slices of potato) Turn the slice on its side and slice into matchstick slices. If needed, cut the pieces in half so they are thin. (Did I mention that thin is the key??) Let the potato slices soak while you slice both potatoes then drain and dry well. Dry really well – you do not want to add water to hot oil.

Heat oil in a frying pan. You want enough to coat the fries, so you need more than you would for cooking normally, but not so much that it will take forever to heat the pan and the oil. A lot of recipes will tell you to heat the oil to a particular temperature, but I don’t have a reliable thermometer so I go by feel. When I feel heat when holding my hand about three inches from the pan, I go for it.

Cook potato slices in the oil in batches (I needed 4 batches for the two potatoes) for 4-6 minutes, stirring once about half way through. The fries should be beginning to brown, but not burn. Remove from oil and allow to drain on a paper towel or old newspaper. If you want really crispy fries, return them to the pan for about 2 more minutes after all of the raw potatoes have been cooked. They are good without the second cooking, but they are much crisper.

Salt immediately after removing from the oil – wait until the second fry if you are doing two. Enjoy.

Since there is leftover oil, I poured the remaining oil in a small jar and saved it for another day. I strained it through a basic strainer just to get big pieces out, but you may not need to.

Every now and then when I want to try a crazy vegetarian experiment and I’m not sure how Bob will feel about it, I search for something to pair it with that I know he will love. He knows I do it, so I’m not in too much trouble when he reads this. Although in all honesty, he generally doesn’t mind my experiments, and he is always willing to keep an open mind – and give me an honest opinion.

I kind of wanted sloppy joes, but I had BBQ sauce in the fridge that I needed to use up because homemade BBQ sauce does not last forever. It lasts a darn long time, but not forever. I have also been looking for meat substitutes for a while and while quinoa and faro work great in a lot of instances, they aren’t always the right texture, or they don’t hold up to the sauce as well as I might like. Tofu is great, but in any crumbly texture recipe it doesn’t work as well and I don’t want something mushy. When I came across a recipe for sloppy joe seitan, I was all in, but then changed it to mock pulled pork (knowing full well it will taste NOTHING like pork). To pair, I decided to make beer battered onion fries and I have to admit, as good as the seitan was, the onion fries were the star of the show. I may have to make these on a fairly regular basis as they were such a hit.

The recipes here are really simple and putting it all together took no time at all. Ok, the fries did take a while since I fried them in a pan and had to do small batches, but otherwise, this was a great weeknight meal. I loved the flavor and texture and Bob actually said it was good – not pulled pork, but still really good.

• BBQ sauce:
• 1/2 cup ketchup
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1-2 tablespoons adobe sauce
• 2 teaspoons mild vinegar (apple, sherry, rice)
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1 clove garlic minced or pureed

Mix all ingredients together. Use a food processor or blender if you are including a chipotle pepper in the sauce, otherwise just mixing well will work fine. Flavors blend overnight, so if you can make this ahead of time it is better. For vegans, delete the honey and add maple syrup or agave instead.

• Beer Battered Onions
• 1/2 cup beer
• 1/2 cup flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 onion, sliced thin
• peanut oil for frying

Combine beer, flour and salt into a shallow pan. Batter should be think enough to coat the onions, but not so think that you can’t work with it. Think paste from kindergarten, maybe slightly thinner.

Slice the onions as thin or thick as you want them. Coat the onions in the batter. You may need to work in batches depending on how large your pan is.

Heat the oil in a frying pan and when a drop of batter can be dropped in a sizzles, add onions, but do not over crowd them. Cook for a few minutes until the bottoms like like they are browning, then flip and cook for a few more minutes. (I’m being vague because every batch I did had a different timing – anywhere from 2-6 minutes a side)

Remove onions from oil and allow to drain on a paper towel. If you want, salt them while hot more of a french fry/onion ring taste.

• BBQ Seitan:
• 1 package seitan
• bbq sauce from above
• onion fries from above
• bun of your choice (I used onion bread buns)

Crumble seitan in a small bowl and spoon over 4 tablespoons bbq sauce. Mix well and allow to marinate for about 10 minutes. Heat pan and when hot, add seitan plus 1/4 cup more bbq sauce. Cook until heated through on medium heat, about 7 minutes.

Top seitan onto 1/2 bun and top with a few onion fries. Use more fries as a side.